We are 21 weeks pregnant with our fourth child. Our fourth. Whew. I try to wrap my mind around the truth of it, and my brain won't let me think about it too long - like it wants to go into shut-down mode. I am sure once our new baby is here, all the details will resolve themselves and I will find that I can manage four children after all! Which is why I can't let myself stress about it before-hand; that would require extra energy that I just don't have right now : )
Finding out we were pregnant again (Aero will be 15 months when his baby brother arrives), was quite a shock for me! We knew we wanted a fourth, but I was still trying to not feel overwhelmed with 3 when we discovered we had another on the way. We had even been "preventing" and still we'd managed to unknowingly create a new life. This will be 4 children, 5 years old and younger.
I remember in the frustrating and painful days of my miscarriages when it was so difficult for me to listen to women who were pregnant and didn't really care to be (for one reason or another). It was difficult for me to not be angry with the injustice of it all. I remember thinking that I would always rejoice in a new life and never be ungrateful about it like those mothers. And here I am, a few years later, discovering what a harsh judgement that was. Because I found that I was also one of those mothers.
A mystery in my life is why it was so difficult to have another child when we desperately wanted one, and then why we easily made another child when we weren't pursuing it? How does this make sense? I do know that both situations, as opposite as they are from each other, have brought me to my knees. During my miscarriages, I found myself pleading with the Lord for His grace, for His strength, to be able to trust Him regardless of the situation. Then during this pregnancy, I have found myself praying the same thing! There is something very humbling in knowing that in my own strength, I am not adequate for the task. But with Him, I am able. Only with Him.
I know that when this child enters our family, I will see, just as I've seen with the other 3, that of course he is a perfect addition, a perfect fit, and our family would have been incomplete without him. I am already grateful that the Lord's plans are better than our own!
Now to figure out his name.... Any suggestions???
4 comments:
Nice post, Babe. I have some name ideas, but they aren't going public yet. (Of course you know them already! :)
You are a deep breath of fresh air. I can't express what encouragement your words are to me!! You are beautiful. Your family is beautiful. I can't wait to see (and hold) number 4. I love, love, love you!! :)
~ Heather
It's all about perspective, isn't it? Thank you for your honesty & vulnerability. By the way, I am THRILLED that you are blogging again! And realizing that I see you about as often now as I did when you lived in Colorado... and thinking we need to fix that! OH and I know how it is to have #4 when older sibling(s) are 15 months... you'll do great :)
I can't tell you how excited I was to come back here and see that I have COMMENTS!!!!! Wooohooo!!! Seriously, it is so exciting for me! : )
My dear Heather, thank you! I miss you very much and you are welcome ANYTIME. I hope you are sooo happy being back in CO.
Sarah, I have missed your faithful commenting! So glad you were able to find me after my long absence from the blogging world. Yes, PLEASE, lets get together soon. I know you've been finishing moving in. Love you.
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