Andrew's work schedule has been a grueling adjustment for us. Mostly it's just a big adjustment of how to spend time together, of how to maximize that time. It is normal for 2-4 days out of the week for him to leave in the morning and I'll see him long after the kids are in bed. So when he is home, it feels like party time! : )
I want to be very cautious here, that this doesn't come out like a drawn out complaint, because I don't really think that way. Yes, sometimes the days get really long with his schedule being as it is, but I am so pleased that God has been faithful to us. This job that Andrew has now- it is pretty much everything that he has been wanting. He wants a work enviroment where he is stretched, where he is invested in, where he is surrounded by people with whom he shares similar interests and a place that has a vision that he can run with. And this is it. Not only did he end up doing what he really wanted to do, but God provided this pretty much the instant he was informed of his employment downsizing. It was just remarkable.
We knew that taking this job would be a stretch for us. For him AND for me. And it certainly has been. There have been moments, today even, in the midst of the chaos, neediness, and noise that comes with 4 children at home, where I just think to myself, "Put a fork in me! I am DONE!" And yet I've pulled through somehow (after an earnest prayer and some hidden tears).
I'm not sure yet of what God wants to accomplish in us moving to Virginia, but I know that He wants us here. So regardless of the stretch, I'm all in.
Anyway, back to maximizing family time- its very much a work in progress! On the times that Andrew does have with us, I wrestle with the best way to spend it. See, there are several options. Do I :(a) Put aside all the housework and play with Andrew and the kids - which means that I will have to do it all later, after the kids are in bed, which would cut into MY time with Andrew; (b) Get the housework done while Andrew and the kids are enjoying each other, that way Andrew and I could have some time together later - which means that the kids won't have a "full" experience of family time; or (c) Have Andrew help me with some of the housework that way we can get family time AND alone time in - but which means that on his time off he is still working around the house. Hmmmmm. Am I missing a better option? Ideally, I could get everything done while he works, that way we can play when we are all together.... but...... I have not achieved that level of amazing yet!!!
Marcail and Me being silly : )
That is probably my biggest struggle now. And out of all the major issues in the world, I know it is very, very minor. And I am very, very blessed. Speaking of blessed, Andrew just walked in the door : ) So I'm gonna wrap this up and call it a night! Leave your thoughts, please! I have this app on the blog that lets me see that I have WAY more visitors than I have comments ; )
10 comments:
Anneke, you are so incredible, you know that? It's so encouraging to see you and your family doing life together. You make me feel so good knowing that yes, there will be days in motherhood that will stretch me to the max, but that it's ok! You are such a graceful mother and wife. You're family is so very blessed to have you. And I am blessed to have you too. I love you oh so much. Keep up all the great work, SuperWoman! You're doing it beautifully (and constantly encouraging this mommy-to-be.) XO
I am in a similar situation but for a different reason, Kris travels. He was gone a month this time. When he comes home we have to carefully divide the just us time, him and the kids time and all of us time! I have found that all of these, of course, are essential. The time with just daddy and kids is so crucial and I enjoy the ME time. I can get cleaning done, go to the gym or just go to our room and close the door for a bit. The time with all of us is when the house is not so clean, laundry isn't done but we are all together enjoying life. Those house chores will get done, just not that day! Then the us time. That time, like with you and Andrew, is usually at night after the kids are in bed and we have our second wind from a late afternoon cup of Joe! We are night owls so it works for us! We also have older kids and will sometimes enlist their help to watch younger kids so that we can go to the store alone! We need more dates for sure but that will come with time, for now we take what time alone we can! You are an amazing mom and wife. I get encouraged by reading your posts! I think you are doing a great job!!
Option D: Train the kids to do the housework! ;)
You amaze me, woman!
Well I don't have any advice, but I do go through the same struggle all the time. I find my most productive time is during naptime. I'm enjoying reading your blog! :)
I sure dont have advice and I am not even going to pretend to understand what it is like to have 4 kids! But I am going through the same thing with my one toddler. Hubby works 60+ hours a week and feel the same way about the balance of family time, husband time, housework, and trying to start my own business. I am not sure that there is an answer!I am told not to be so hard on myself, but isn't our innate instinct to be super moms?! ;)
Heather, thank you for all of your encouragement! You always make me feel like something else! I can't wait to see you as a mommy- I think you will surprise yourself to see how naturally amazing you are at it : ) I can just see that joy oozing out of you!
Tara, A MONTH???? I didn't know the durations got that long! That makes me want to just sit down and shut up. I can't imagine having Andrew being gone that long - that makes my head swim. My hat's off to YOU!
Sarah, YES. What a good idea. I have started doing that somewhat. I have to confess, I may be more of a perfectionist than I care to admit, because sometimes I just want to do it all myself cause I know it won't take extra energy on my part. I know I'll need to delegate more as they get older. I hope to have gotten over myself by then ; )
Brooke, I am looking forward to nap time again - that will come once the older kids are in school this upcoming year. Aero and Logan still nap for sure, but Marcail and Donovan normally lay down for one only once or twice a week. During that time.... I take a nap TOO! haha! Not very productive, but I think that once there is nap time every day, I can nap some days, and catch up on work some days. We'll see how it goes!
Sara, I was SO happy to hear from you! Its been too long since we caught up, so I'm eager to hear about your new business- that is exciting! I stopped by your blog (I didn't know before that you had one!) and gasped at your illustrations. Oh my goodness. So charming and beautiful and colorful. I love them!!!
I know for me that the juggling act has always been tricky, no matter the number of children- each number has felt like they filled my days to the max. And you are absolutely right about our innate instinct in being supermoms. I never heard it put quite like that, but yes. So true. Its a hard instinct to loosen up on : )
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