Back Again

It sure has been awhile since I last posted anything. The thought of catching up on pictures from Thanksgiving/ Christmas, and everything in-between is quite daunting, so I will just hit the ground running from this point. Pictures from the holidays may or may not appear, so no promises!

My darling princess Marcail has officially set her mommy into tears of frustration - though she hasn't seen it. I have sought experienced mothers out, and am relieved to hear that everything she is doing is a "phase;" a battle of wills and I must be consistent and show her that I am truly Queen. As smart as she is, I would've thought she would understand the concept by now!

Our main struggle has been to keep her in bed during bedtime. Although we are consistent in disciplining her in this, she continues to think she can rewrite the rules on this. Some of the results are comical: finding her fast asleep on the potty with her blanket draped over her entire head and body (is the toilet REALLY more comfortable than her bed???), or asleep under Donovan's crib, or anywhere else she happens to land when her gas runs out. The other night I woke up to some noise, at 1:30 in the morning, and crept downstairs where I found her taking Christmas ornaments off the tree (which is and has been definitely OFF LIMITS). She has tried rummaging through our bedroom and bathroom (also always off limits) during her naptime, and attempted to smear chapstick, lotion, Vaseline, etc. on the walls and tear up all our bandaids. This afternoon I found her in Donovan's room, having woken him up from his nap, turned his light on, destroying another box of bandaids that she illegally obtained from our bedroom. Why?!?! If I leave Donovan in her room (they have shared a room for years), she will climb into his crib, wake him up, and have a jumping party on his mattress. So we have had to split them up for now.

On top of this, she has started asking "Why?" about everything. I don't find it cute, because I don't think she really wants to know "Why?" I think she likes the "game of 'why?' " Finally today I started asking her "Why?" about everything, and I could see her understand my viewpoint. Eventually she asked me to, "Please stop asking 'Why?' " Hopefully I got somewhere with that.

And of course she has an alternative for everything I tell her to do. If I want her to wear a jacket, she doesn't need one. If I pick out a pair of shoes, she wants to wear a different pair. When we sit down to eat, she still tries to bring her blanket and some toys with her. When I try to help her get buckled in her car seat, she immediately wants to do it on her own, but when I leave it to her, she demands help. Every time, she wants to argue about it. Every time, I put my foot down. And still she tries to make the rules.

Understand that I love my child, but mostly what frustrates me in all of this is..... my frustration, my anger, my feeling of helplessness. I feel so lacking in emotional strength and fortitude..... and tenderness and love. Of course I knew child-rearing was work. Maybe sometimes I think its not supposed to be and that's where I end up feeling shocked and blindsided? I'm not sure.... My comfort has been in knowing that mothers tell me that this is motherhood. This is the "3's" phase. I so want to believe it!!!

And so, I hope to come out on the other side of this being well -seasoned and matured : ) and having a daughter who reflects the attributes of good training. Pray with me!