For something a little lighter...

On Sunday, in church during worship, Donovan told daddy, "I gave Jesus my heart. I don't want it anymore."

I have to say that adjusting to three children has been the roughest transition yet. Taking care of 3 children feels most of the time like the most demanding job I've ever had. Not that the children are demanding especially more than any other children their ages... its just that they are the ages where they cannot yet do much on their own, or unsupervised, at least.

I know that to get the day started off most efficiently, I should get up long before the children do. At the risk of appearing very lazy, I will just go ahead and confess that they are my alarm clock almost every morning. This is mostly because Andrew and I get to bed late. And this is because when the children go down for the night, we love nothing more than hanging out with each other. We get a precious few hours every night for it to be just the two of us. I covet that time together, even if it means losing a little sleep, and a lot of organization the next morning.

I have tried making lists to help me stay focused on housework and preplanning for upcoming events.... but, it is the absolute truth that lists stress me out! I will still be scrubbing the toilets at 9 o'clock at night, with the baby screaming for attention, while I am stubbornly determined to finish the job, because "clean bathrooms" is on my list! I know this is laughable, and I do laugh at myself for it, so feel free to join me : ) I will also find myself impatient with the children because it will take me an hour to unload the dishwasher and reload it, due to the interruptions (and such other duties).

But the most exhausting thing about having three children, is that I cannot keep track of all three at the same time; all of them are often in three different places at any given time! Once, last week, I checked up on Donovan in the bathroom. He had unrolled the toilet paper to the bare tube (AGAIN) and had generously given the toilet half of it! Good times. I think I was almost shaking with anger, while being rendered speechless, and I kept thinking, "Count to ten - Count to ten - Count to ten." When I came back downstairs, Marcail was coloring on her brand new pants with a pen (where did she even get that pen???). And all the commotion woke up the baby! I know that this doesn't sound like a particularly trying set of circumstances, but when this sort of thing happens full circle aaaaalllllllllll day long, I find myself begging God for grace to give out what I do not feel I have.

I always remind myself that this IS what I wanted... I wanted to be married and have children. I wanted to stay home with them and be able to pour myself into them. I wanted desperately to have a third child after 2 miscarriages. So, I feel guilty when I find myself complaining about the struggles of motherhood. I had always envisioned myself as a very patient, nurturing, smiling mother. I had no idea how impatient, frazzled, and scowling I could really be!

I think I should clarify that I am not eternally frustrated - I have a wide range of emotions throughout the day. Literally from tears of happiness and thankfulness, to tears of helplessness, discouragement, and repentance! Hello, I am female : )

A very real solace for me is knowing that everything I am walking through right now is normal. I have had some seasoned mothers to whom I've begged, "Please tell me this is just a phase!" They would laugh with understanding and assure me that this stage IS a very stretching and it IS normal for mothers to often feel they've reached the verge of insanity. Whew!!!