I Can Relate!

I should preface this by saying that I don't always feel like this when I'm pregnant,.... but.... there are days!

When I saw this, I couldn't help but giggle- I've seen that lost and helpless look in Andrew's eyes before!

I've told him before that half the time I don't understand myself, so I certainly don't expect him to.

Hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

Fun Factory

One of the kids' favorite places here is the Fun Factory! It is full of arcade games (a lot of them for the older ages), a bowling alley, bumper cars, mini-golf, and little rides. Because they are still so little, we mostly just stick to the air hockey table, little rides, and the simplest arcade games - most of the time they still get enough tickets to each trade them in at the end collect a little prize. They like that part : ) This time Aero was old enough to try out the rides, instead of being strapped in his stroller the whole time. He was a happy boy the whole time!

One of these days, Andrew and I will do a date night here and try out some of the things actually geared for people our age : )

The Welcome Signs of Summer...

Summer has arrived in full swing! We are embracing it with open and glad arms!

I love the fresh aromas of earth and greenery, flowers in bloom, warm mulch, fresh cut grass, sunscreen, and yummy eateries on the grill.

My skin relishes the warmth of the sun on my skin, and my ears drink in the music of everything living, growing, and buzzing about.

These are some of my favorite things, to give you a taste of this idyllic life : )

Aero swinging in the park

Marcail and Donovan swinging in the park : )

The magnolias on our tree in the front yard are in bloom! They smell lovely!

....along with some other flowering bushes....

Grilling out on the patio on a warm summer's evening

-while the children play outside-

Sometimes I have to stop and take a moment, to view the life I live with a heart full of gratitude and contentment. It really is such a beautiful world and a wonderful life!

Introducing...

We have decided on a name for our baby boy!

Logan David.

Andrew and I have always liked the name "Logan" (Aero actually came within an inch of being named Logan). We've been using family names for our children's middle names, so we chose "David" after Andrew's dad, who is a wonderful man - I could go on and on about how much he means to us, but I would probably embarrass him : ) Suffice it to say that I consider it an honor to know and love him. He certainly deserves a namesake : )

We all feel very settled knowing that this little guy finally has a name! He is 23 weeks along now, and I am starting to feel very consistent active bumps and tumblings coming from inside; for me it is a very comforting feeling- now, I did not say comfortable! : ) It is comforting to know that little Logan is lively and healthy and strong. It puts my mind at peace.

...And Another One Makes Four

We are 21 weeks pregnant with our fourth child. Our fourth. Whew. I try to wrap my mind around the truth of it, and my brain won't let me think about it too long - like it wants to go into shut-down mode. I am sure once our new baby is here, all the details will resolve themselves and I will find that I can manage four children after all! Which is why I can't let myself stress about it before-hand; that would require extra energy that I just don't have right now : )

Finding out we were pregnant again (Aero will be 15 months when his baby brother arrives), was quite a shock for me! We knew we wanted a fourth, but I was still trying to not feel overwhelmed with 3 when we discovered we had another on the way. We had even been "preventing" and still we'd managed to unknowingly create a new life. This will be 4 children, 5 years old and younger.

I remember in the frustrating and painful days of my miscarriages when it was so difficult for me to listen to women who were pregnant and didn't really care to be (for one reason or another). It was difficult for me to not be angry with the injustice of it all. I remember thinking that I would always rejoice in a new life and never be ungrateful about it like those mothers. And here I am, a few years later, discovering what a harsh judgement that was. Because I found that I was also one of those mothers.

A mystery in my life is why it was so difficult to have another child when we desperately wanted one, and then why we easily made another child when we weren't pursuing it? How does this make sense? I do know that both situations, as opposite as they are from each other, have brought me to my knees. During my miscarriages, I found myself pleading with the Lord for His grace, for His strength, to be able to trust Him regardless of the situation. Then during this pregnancy, I have found myself praying the same thing! There is something very humbling in knowing that in my own strength, I am not adequate for the task. But with Him, I am able. Only with Him.

I know that when this child enters our family, I will see, just as I've seen with the other 3, that of course he is a perfect addition, a perfect fit, and our family would have been incomplete without him. I am already grateful that the Lord's plans are better than our own!

Now to figure out his name.... Any suggestions???

Appendicitis- A Dose of Adventure on the Side (pun intended)

I am sitting in the hospital room, while Andrew groggily keeps nodding off to sleep. He just got out of surgery - his appendix was removed this morning, after 1.5 weeks of abdominal pain. After he got off of work last night, in yet more pain, we discussed what he should do. He had done enough research to begin thinking that appendicitis was the culprit. My thoughts were that if it was the reason for the pain, we shouldn't mess with waiting it out for him to die from it! I know, genius thinking, right? :)

Off he went to the ER, while I stayed at home with the sleeping children, cell phone close at hand. When the results finally came back that appendicitis was indeed the cause, we were both relieved. Andrew said he couldn't think of anything worse than the doctors coming back and saying, "Everything looks good, we don't know what is causing your pain- go on home." Although we both had to spend a lonely and sleepless night apart, neither of us were nervous or anxious; mostly just eager to finish this out!

Results have just come back from the surgery: the doctor was very surprised that the appendix had not yet ruptured - he said it was extremely swollen, inflamed, and surrounded by puss. Right now I feel loved by the Lord that He was protecting Andrew all along, even when we had no clue it was so serious.

I have to say, I've REALLY appreciated the use of Facebook during this time! It becomes so easy to keep everyone updated, and therefore I've been flooded with offers to help, pray, or both. And I've kept thinking that it is such a luxury to be around family during this time- they have been so eager to take the children, which is the biggest relief for me! Although the children know that daddy is in the hospital because he wasn't feeling well, they seem to be excited to get away and play somewhere new!

Breath of Fresh Air

Aero turns 11 months in 4 days. Which means he turns 1 next month. And I can hardly believe that a child can grow up so quickly.

When he was born, he had to wear oxygen for the first 3 months of his life; which I found a little ironic since his name means "air" in English (it's also a European spelling of "Aaron"). He looked like such a fragile little thing. Very cute. Extremely cute. But fragile. Today I look at him and the oxygen days seem like another life. He is lively, flirty, cuddly, and smiley.

In the times during our 2 miscarriages, I prayed for the Lord's perfect timing for our next little baby. I knew He knew which sperm with which egg would make the perfect addition to our little brood. And it was Aero. I can't explain or pretend to understand if it was supposed to be him all along; but I do know that he is a breath of fresh air in my life. He is perfect for our family.

I've seen such a tender side in Marcail that had not had reason to come out before; she adores her baby brother, and is protective, caring, watchful, and adoring. Donovan has gone through a little adjustment in handing over the "baby of the family" role, but most of the time, he is just eager to do boy things with his brother already. I have to explain to him that Aero isn't big enough to wrestle with yet, though I appreciate the sentiment. The nice thing is that Aero is good-natured and also appreciates the sentiment : )

Aero will squeal and I will hear the pitter-patter of little hands and knees crawling on our wood floors as he races as fast as he can go, to keep up with his siblings. He is already so eager to be one of them, to be in the middle of their games and play.

But mostly, I just know that for me personally, he brightens my life. I look at him and see answered prayers. I see a gift from Heaven, longed for and sought for, and finally delivered; and upon delivery, finding the gift above and beyond what I could have imagined.

New Beginnings

It's late. The family is sleeping, the house is dark, and outside the crickets are chirping. Lately I've been taking solace in the quiet moments; there are very few of them : ) Sometimes I will slip outside while the rest of the family is bustling in the house, and sit outside in the soft noise of nature. The trees rustling in the breeze. The birds flitting from tree to tree. The far-away barks of neighborhood dogs. And I am rejuvenated in the stillness of non-damanding time. There's only about 5-10 minutes of that, but still, I'll take it!

In growing a family, I've found there has come a time where I've been able to wrap my mind around the fact that a family = noise. Lots of noise. I know it sounds silly that its taken me so long to figure it out, but I am glad that it finally dawned on me : ) It also means lots of interruptions. Inconvenient interruptions. Just today I don't think I used the restroom once without a walk-in of some sort. Well, maybe once. But this is what a family looks like, and a lot of my frustration has been eliminated in the shining revelation that family-life really is a sort of organized chaos. It just is. There is no way I can plan my life perfectly enough to be able to account for all the interruptions and noise in my day, that comes with raising 3 small children. No way can I dream up all the situations in a single day that forms itself like a delicate and complicated obstacle course. Here and there, I have to stop myself and pray for the grace to extend what I absolutely feel I do not have left to give; patience, wisdom, gentleness, understanding.... along with a clean house, folded laundry, food in the fridge, and plenty of diapers on hand.

All the demands I had found completely overwhelming. Let's be honest... sometimes they still are. But recently, like pinpoints of light in a dark room, I've been able to embrace the reality of my own inadequacies. I realize that sounds like a paradox. But it means that I am finally seeing, without fear, myself as I really am: the blatant truth that, I am not perfect! Never will be perfect. Do you realize how exhausting it is to strive for something that can never be? I will tell you, it is exhausting. Actually, exhausting is an understatement. Try utter depletion.

Now, don't get me wrong; I am determined to give my best, my all. But that is not the same as perfection, and I can never deliver perfection. In the moments of stillness, I realize who is Big and who is small. Who is Perfect and who is not and can never be. Who is the Source and who desperately needs the Source. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure lifted as I can clearly see that God never expected me to be adequate in the first place. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I believe that Andrew and I are good parents. But I also know that we fall short of being everything our children need in every moment. For someone that tries to be perfect, that is a frustrating fact! This is when I pray that in those moments of inadequacy, God will step in and graciously fill those gaps we cannot possibly fill. We have a Big God. And I believe He is more than thrilled to make Himself tangibly real in those moments.

In my life, these realizations come to life in new ways; my children have a mother who is a little more patient with them, simply because I have more grace to let them be children. They are not perfect, either. My husband has a wife who is a little less,.... shall we say "emotional"? : ) with him because in accepting my inadequacies, I have more grace for his. It is a journey of new beginnings, and I am excited to see the fresh changes along the way.